Many transsexuals faced unhappiness in their latter marriage life. Thinking after getting married, they can maintained their role as male and forgo their femininity to become a woman. But then they found themselves trapped and unable to cope up as a man. They started to break down and some how fallen apart in their marriage life. Being womanly inside with an effeminate persona, they ended up seeking psychological counselling
and going through transition in HRT and SRS to alter their fate and destiny to live as a woman.
But in doing so, it is going to hurt their love ones.
It is a painful step to take in the initial stage but life has to go on .....
I composed this poem in better understanding of a transsexual's mind in their feeling to become a woman and forgo everything in life including their families, friends and relations to live as a woman they always wanted to be so that they can find happy inside. But the pain and suffering they are going through the path of transition is very aching journey but is it worth the transition in your life? I leave it to individual transsexual to answer for themselves but I wish you all have make the right choice and to be blessed in your new life as a woman.
To myself..................................................
I’m leaving my past in search of my destiny
Too much bitter tears raining down on me
My heart seems to be far away from home
I'm undergoing my transition silently alone
In a hidden path too weary for me to walk
What left of me is a sad testimony I bored
Friends shun away finding me in a change
Being masculine becoming feminine dame
And slowly find I am not looking the same
I'm like living an outcast life full of shame
Why my sex gender not matching to me
Trapped in a wrong body uncomfortably
It's a wrong gender estranging my mind
I'm searching my past in wanting to find
Why I was born in a body that's so unlike
That's not me what I looked for mine kind
What gender should I conform to identify
Myself as female or leave my male behind
That's causing so much miseries to my life
So much worrying and I couldn’t decide
Wish I could give up my life and just die
Every time I looked into the mirror, I
find
A hidden shadow of a woman inside me
Trapped in a male’s body trying to get free
To my love one...............................................
I used to bring you sunshine all the years
round
Now it seems I’ve failed you in letting you
down
How I wish it would be if you were in my shoes
No, there isn’t making sense to tell you the
true
Either way I've chosen, I’m definitely to lose you
There isn’t any one that I can turn to for support
But to go for my transition it’s my only accord
Though you pleaded, screamed and you cried
To stay calm for you, maybe we can give a try
To find a solution whereby we can compromise
But it’s much too late now for me to do and say
To hold back my tears and tell you I would stay
It would be too much pain now for me to face
I have transited so much in my feminine phase
And turning back for me it's like telling you a lie
To stay I would cause a big mocking to your life
It's only a matter of time that you soon forget
The hatred I caused you that's making you sad
Your feeling for me in your heart will soon die
And forgotten I have ever existed in your life
And life needs to go on ........ and on..........
You just have to be
strong...........................
Ada Shuling
Repost on Saturday, 4 February, 2012
